The Pressure of Silence
by Hurricaneglasss
Summary: "...I still felt sad, and a little incomplete. I suppose with so many things suddenly getting better, the things that were still missing hurt even worse." Sleepless nights with nothing but your thoughts. What could be worse? Takes place between Books 3 and 4. Baavira. One shot.


_"Is this what sadness is all about? Is it what comes over us when beautiful memories shatter in hindsight because the remembered happiness fed not just on actual circumstances but on a promise that was not kept?"_

* * *

><p>The rain pelted against the windows, droplets hitting with a splash before quickly trickling downwards, as the train smoothly glided along its course. In all honestly, she had always appreciated the silence of their trains. They were excellent for those moments - many moments, in her case, that she would proudly admit to - where one's unduly focus and concentration was necessary. But now? She couldn't help but wish they were more rough, hardened in design; just loud enough to silence the noises in her head.<p>

She couldn't sleep. It was one of those nights where your thoughts kept you awake; where your past mistakes and regrets shove themselves to the forefront of your mind and taunt you, ensuring that you're miserable before you are allowed to shut your eyes.

Kuvira adjusted herself, rolling on her back, her third time that night trying to sleep in this position and she could only sigh as she brought her arms up to fold her fingers together, laying them across her stomach.

She had an important meeting tomorrow with the governor of a state. It would be her first meeting with one and she had hoped after all was said and done, he would agree to her terms and join Ba Sing Se as the second of what she hoped would be many states to join their empire. It was of the utmost importance that she ensure his agreement and appearing before him with drowsy eyes and yawns spilling from her lips would do none too well in her effort to appear serious and collected.

But her mind wouldn't stop _racing_. The guilt that filtered through her only increased when her eyes made contact with the ring around her finger. She closed her eyes tightly, trying to focus on anything else to put her mind at ease.

Letting out another sigh, she turned back to her previous position and laid on her side, facing their bedroom door. She decided not to bother in anymore attempts at sleep and her eyes scanned all sections of the side of the room. She couldn't help but smirk when she noticed his hand, limp and lifeless, his finger tips slunk down towards the middle of her stomach. His arm hadn't budged from it's place around her waist in all her maneuvering and it occurred to her that she hadn't even taken notice of its weight. It was her armor in that way; the feel of it no longer heavy and unfamiliar, but a comfort, a sense of security.

She ran her fingers up his hand absentmindedly, her finger tips dancing forward along his arm. She lifted and bent her fingers, creating repetitious movements remnant of choreography. Her mind drifted to a more simple time living in Zaofu, where her only concerns were preparing for roles in recitals and keeping her state safe from harm. When her nights didn't consist of planning, maps, and a flow of never-ending meetings but flowing costumes, idle chatter with her fellow captains and guards, and brief visits from her timid boyfriend.

_Zaofu._

As much as it never felt like home to her, it was the only place she really could refer to as _a home_. It was where she was able to focus on her earth bending abilities and learned she could metal bend, where she discovered her love of dance... and all under the tutelage of Suyin.

Her expression faltered at the thought and she fell, her back plopping into the mattress. She stopped her prior movements, raking both hands through her hair, one coming up to tug her braid from behind her head and shoving it over her shoulder in annoyance.

Suddenly Kuvira felt his grip on her tighten and she mentally cursed herself for not settling in one spot. Her intention above all else was specifically to not awaken him and yet with her every movement was daring him to. She paused, hoping to hear his steady breathing fall back into rhythm. She came up empty handed as she felt him stir, his body moving up against the covers, the arm once around her waist slipping off.

"Kuvira?"

She shut her eyes.

"Can't sleep?"

She heard the sound of his hand hitting the top of the nightstand, reaching for his glasses. It was then she gave up any semblance of hope of him going back to sleep and ignoring her restlessness. Still, she decidedly kept her eyes closed.

"You have nothing to be concerned about." Baatar's voice bounced against the empty silence of the room as he sat in bed, staring down at her not-so-sleeping form. "You've been preparing for weeks for this. The evidence of our success in Ba Sing Se was well documented. The data collected about the drop in poverty after our arrival, the food shortages there are no longer an area of concern. The bandits dispersed with our strong military hold. Our people are protected now, safe." He paused for a moment, waiting for her to speak. "The agreement is specific, our guidelines are straightforward. He has no reason to turn down our offer."

With no response, she sensed him crawl back into bed again and as quickly as he did, she was being pulled against him. His arm was once again at home as it clung to her waist and she found herself settling comfortably into his touch. At the realization, she felt a wave of guilt rise over her again, nerves askew.

"Don't worry, Kuvira." He squeezed her tighter for a moment. "It will all work out perfectly."

It was too much for her to bear and she let out a slight sigh, though her voice remained even. She knew she would regret this.

"That's not it."

He furrowed his brows. "You're _not_ worried about meeting with Governor Guo?"

"No." She looked away from him, eyes cast downward. "Not exactly."

"Then... what's wrong?"

She could feel his eyes boring into her, but she remained silent, unsure of her word choice, how exactly to explain to him _what_ she was feeling. Moments passed and an unsettling quiet filled the room.

"Do you..." His words came out slowly, catching her off guard. He was always articulate and had something to say, his word choice pointed.

His tone was at a whisper. "Are you... having second thoughts?"

Instinctively she grabbed his hand and gave it a small squeeze, turning to look at him.

"No." Her features softened at the worry that crossed his face and she sat up to face him directly, wrapping her hands around his. "_Of course not_."

She watched as he sat up beside her, his eyes flitting to her ring before falling back down in the direction of the covers and her heart sank in her chest.

It was only a few days ago that he had proposed. Of course, she had known he was preparing to do so months in advance. He was suddenly no where to be found one day after explaining to her that he would be working on a project in his lab for the entirety of the evening, to be left undisturbed. Courtesy of her strong grasp, one of her young officers had kindly revealed of Baatar's whereabouts. She knew instantly. She couldn't help but be advantageous, really. The metal in the ring was just enough for her to sense it, regardless.

"If you have any misgivings about..._ this_, we don't," He paused, "_You_ don't have to. You're under no obligation t-"

Kuvira cut him off again. "No," she leaned down to catch his eyes, giving him a slight smile. "Baatar, I want to get married. I **do**."

"Oh." His cheeks flushed pink and his eyes remained in their downward cast as she moved to wrap her arms around him, her head against his shoulder.

"Then, what's wrong?"

She let out a breathe, disappointed their conversation did not come to an end as she had expected it to.

"I..." Kuvira sighed, trying to find the words. "You have _family_, Baatar. When we get married, they should be there for you."

He shook his head. "Kuvira..."

"It's due to you leaving with me that they are unforgiving." Her voice loses it's even tone as she continues and he tugs her closer in response.

"They're your family, Baatar, I won't allow myself to be the reason they abandon you."

"You have nothing to do with their behavior." He said, pressing his lips to her temple. "Mother is notoriously unforgiving to those who go behind her back. Being her son does nothing to soften the blow, if anything, it causes larger and more painful tremors." He ran his hand through his hair. "You were there that night with President Reiko. Revealing to her our plans, our_ ideas_? She wouldn't take into consideration anything we would have had to say. What other choice did we have?"

He laughed, bitterly. "She would have told me not to bother with such 'frivolous' pursuits. What about those blueprints for the new bridge father wanted to construct?" He rolled his eyes. "She hasn't responded to any of the wires that I've sent home. She's allowing her grudge to overwhelm any sense of rationality she has left. She will come around, eventually."

Baatar nestled closer to his fiancee, a smile playing at his lips as the smell of panda-lillies wafted around him, her hair brushing against his cheek. His eyes begun to droop.

"And if she doesn't?"

"Then she will have to live with her mistakes."

She rustled underneath him and he could tell his words did nothing to settle her concerns.

"'Vira," Exhaustion lined his voice but he tried to ensure he sounded as together as he could. "My family saw me as nothing more than a carbon copy of my father. I wasn't even provided with the courtesy of being called by my own name. I was always Junior to all of them." He sighed. "The opportunity to create my own work and demonstrate my abilities was never an option to be considered. Until you..."

Kuvira smirked despite herself and he poked her in the side at the change in her frown. She narrowed her eyes at him.

Baatar continued. "You believed in me. I had never had unwavering support before..."

She could hear the smile on his voice as he spoke and she felt a sense of pride, her own grin mirroring his.

"You saw what I could _be_, what I could become. I wasn't Junior to you. I was... _me_. You trusted me and gave me the freedom to explore my endeavors wherever they led." He pushed a strand of hair behind her ear, trailing his hand down to caress her cheek and she leaned into his touch, her eyes beginning to flutter shut. "I never had that support from them."

Sensing sleep finally overcome her, he smiled, kissing the top of her shoulder before settling in beside her. For the first time that night, Kuvira finally felt calm, her prior thoughts slowing to a stop.

He yawned, tangling their hands together near the bottom of her shirt, content that they could both sleep now.

"You're all the family I need."

* * *

><p>I always thought that considering Kuvira's abandonment issues, Baatar's family hating him and wanting nothing to do with him would be a huge worry of hers especially if she felt it was thanks to her, so once this idea popped in my head I knew I had to write it.<p>

Let me know what you think - good, bad, whatever! The last time I wrote anything, well the only fandom I ever wrote fanfiction for, was a billion years ago after the show Gilmore Girls ended (one of my faves growing up!), so suffice it to say, I feel like I'm treading in unfamiliar territory. I really enjoyed LOK but I'm a bit concerned about my ability to write these characters properly and realistically, like maybe I don't have a good enough grasp on them as much as I'd like to think so?

I have a few ideas for some other one-shots involving this pairing, so if you like what you see be on the look out for some more in the near future. :)


End file.
